Heartbreak.

Hello beautiful people

I come to you with this blog post in a very gutted and heartbroken state.

I've vaguely touched on this topic in a few blogs.

But my Boys. post touches on it the most.

I have just had my hear shattered for the fifth time (I think) in the past four months by the same guy. You can call me pathetic, but all I will do is flip my hair at you. I'm aware that I could've walked away many times, but part of me was still hanging on and hoping for the best. Tonight is the night that I realized I can't hold on anymore. This boy was controlling my happiness and influenced every aspect of my life. I tried to be the girl he'd like. I was willing to change my perspective. I was willing to do so much for him when he wasn't willing to return the favour.

It sucks when you care so much about a person and you want them to care about you. But in reality they don't give two shits

All of my friends and my mom and brother didn't like how he was treating me, but I was so quick to defend him. I would blame myself before I would blame him and that's not like me at all. I am the sassiest girl there is and for me to tame down that sass means a lot. I fell for him so hard and everything unfolded so quickly, my stomach felt like I was going down the first hill on the Behemoth at Canada's Wonderland over and over again. For the longest time I wish I could undo meeting him, but now I'm strangely thankful for the heart break he's putting me through. Thanks to my chummy, I realize that this is a learning experience and I've already learned so much.

Don't care about people, who don't care about you

I'm spending the next couple of days doing things that I enjoy and being with people that make me happy.  I'm hoping this will help me pull myself together because the second I can do that I am holding my head high and walking right out of that guys life. He's going to see what he missed out on and when he realizes it, I won't care because I'm going to be happy doing my own thing on my own terms. I let him control my feelings and this will never happen again. I determine my happiness and when I get over this bump in the road, I will be so happy. I will be stronger because this made me stronger.

I'm going to look back on this and thank him for teaching me many things. Majority of me is very upset and hurt. I'm so mad at him and I don't ever want him to be happy. But there's still that part of me that is pulling me through this. I will get through this. My New Years Resolution is working on my strength and this is the perfect time to push myself. Yes, it'll be hard to just walk away because I care about him so much. But I'm sick and tired for doing so much for someone who can brush me off so quickly. 

I've cried it out, I'm screamed and I've ranted. I have my chummy and my boys who are helping me through this. But I know this will be good for me because I'm already feeling so much better. Everything's going to change and I will make sure of it. This will be the last time I dwell on this situation and most definitely the last time I cry about this douche bag. It sucks that this is going down on the first day of 2014, but maybe it's a good thing. We'll see...

Hugs and Butterfly Kisses

xx